a delimma...

Hypothetically speaking, if you encountered the following situation in your own life, how would you react?

Imagine you are a single girl, living in a city where you have made only two friends (both work related), who are also relatively new to the same city, and also only have two friends (one of which is yourself). One of these friends is your supervisor, and the other works for your company in a different location. You usually only see these friends at work and for the occassional weekend movie.

One day, while you are at work, both your department manager, as well as your supervisor (who happens to be your friend) are absent from the office, leaving you in charge of the department for the day. On that same day, your other friend, who you were meeting for a lunch at a mutually agreeable location is in a car accident, and taken to the hospital. A nurse from the hospital calls you at work, and informs you that your friend has been in said accident, is currently undergoing numerous xrays and tests, and would really like it if you could be with her. You find out that the hospital has been unable to reach her husband or her childrens' babysitter.

What do you do? Do you leave work, even though you are in charge of the department, in order to be with friend who is facing this situation? Or do you maintain your professionalism, say that you are too busy to come to the hospital, and leave your friend alone in a strange hospital?

For those of you who know me, the decision I made is obvious. Unfortunately, my supervisor disagreed with the decision (even though the friend I left to be with is also her friend).

Was I wrong to go to a friend, and stay with her during the afternoon while she was being taken to xray, and CAT scans, and then driving her home?

I'm curious what the public opinion is on this question.

i hate my life...

It's been a long time since I've said that, and I can't remember the last time I actually felt that way. I'm sure it was within the past few months...a fleeting thought that combined the pent up feelings of lonliness and frustation at being in a city with no connections.

The thought strikes me at the most inopportune times. Tonight, as I was driving home from work, heading towards my tiny apartment buried in the basement of someone elses house, I realized that I have spent nearly every Friday night for the past year by myself. And then it compiled into practically every single day for the past year. Other than the weekends I spend at my parents house, I spend every day alone.

Yes, I have coworkers. I see alot of people at the gym. I pass hundreds of people on the road driving to and from work. And in this city of thousands, I have yet to find one connection. One person, male or female, who is looking for a friend. I don't have someone to call on the spur of the moment to catch a movie...to grab dinner and a drink after a long day at work...to sit at Starbucks and people watch...to share a pot of soup and good conversation....to share anything with me.

I used to think that it was the city of Richmond that I hated, but the city hasn't done anything to me. Now I know it's the people of Richmond that I hate, but only because they make me hate myself. They plant seeds of doubt, making me wonder why I'm not good enough to be accepted here.

At the age of 29, I suddenly find myself in the worlds largest high school...and I'm still the ugly fat girl that noone wants to be seen with.

stupid fears...

If you know me, you know that I admit to very few fears. Very little, in actuality, scares me. However, I do admit to a fear of the 8-legged beasts that drop from celiings and hide in corners. In a town where the local university's mascot is a Spider, this is NOT a benefical fear to have.

On Monday night, I came in from my trip, and immediately did a walk through my apartment, looking for any unexpected visitors. I looked in all the upper corners, along the baseboard, and last but not least, I looked in the shower. All clear! After 4 days of being away, I was sure that I would find at least one!

Tuesday morning I stumbled to the bathroom at 6am, and jumped in the shower without completing my normal spider check. After all, I had just did a thorough search less than 6 hours before. No sooner had I turned on the water and picked up the soap, then I turned around in time to see a huge black monstrosity attempting to scramble it's way up the side of the tub.

NOTHING wakes you up faster than a splurge of adrenalin from simultaneously jumping and screaming from the shower.

I am selfish...

and I'm unsure of how to change it.

I guess it's the typical selfish-American syndrom--horrific disaster befalls some segment of the population, and immediately, the disaster becomes secondary to the impact that it will have on the rest of the country.

My biggest concern is that gas prices jumped from $2.49 to $3.19 in two days. How can I live? How can I survive paying 70 cents more per gallon than previously? In the grand scheme of things, 70 cents a gallon equates to about $9.00 a tank for my vehicle. If I fill up my tank once a week, this only breaks down to $18.00 a paycheck, or $36.00 a month. Ok, that IS alot of money, especially when I don't make alot, but it's not the end of the world. I just have to stop spending on other stuff. (It's a good thing I already like peanut butter, or else I'd probably have some issues adjusting.)

Yes, I know that hundreds, if not thousands of people are dead in Louisana and Mississippi. Yes, I know that they have no homes, no food, no water, and nowhere to go. Yes, I know that people are roaming the flooded streets, armed with guns, and firing at will. But Louisana and Mississippi are so far away from Virginia, and Virginia is where I am.

I am in a self imposed state of oblivion. Oblivion is ignorance, and ignorance is bliss.